Technology is hurting your child’s mental health. How to promote emotional and digital health in the era of screens and social media.
If used responsibly, technology has a lot of benefits: It can connect us with other people, help us find the answers to questions and can even improve productivity. But as rates of depression increase among adolescents, many people have begun to wonder whether screens and social media are having a negative impact on our children’s well-being.
Nicholas J. Westers, Psy. D., ABPP, a clinical psychologist at Children’s Health℠ and an Associate Professor at UT Southwestern, but the answer isn’t so black-and-white. “We want to know the cause of things and explanations, so it’s easy to attribute feelings of sadness, hopelessness and anxiety among adolescents to tech use,” he says. “But it’s rarely one thing.”
Dr. Westers examines the relationship between technology and mental health — and offers tips for fostering healthy, balanced digital habits.
The ascendance — and threat — of loneliness in an age of connection
Loneliness has grown so pervasive and distressing that a 2018 study of adults by the health insurer Cigna concluded that it has become a “epidemic levels” in the U.S. — one that has affecting the young far more than the elderly, despite stereotypes.
As we all know anxiety and depression can take a toll on our mental and physical health. It may, however, surprise many to know that loneliness can have identical impact. One study discovered that loneliness has an effect on mortality comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
“We are wired for connection,” Dr. Westers says. “Without connection, we get lonely, and that can lead to being depressed, and then we increase our risk of dying early.
But is technology at fault? Dr. Westers is reluctant to pin the blame on any single thing. “Technology can absolutely contribute to or amplify existing feelings, but it’s critical to teach healthy, balanced tech habits and stay in communication with your children, rather than ban all technology use.
Teaching Good Digital Health to Boost Mental Health
Technology can provide numerous advantages, but according to Dr. Westers, it all boils down to your tech usage.
“When we use it as a tool to reach out and connect with others, or to discover and learn something new, then those are great, productive uses of social media and technology,” he says. “But when we are an audience who passively watches newsfeeds and posts it can elicit negative feelings, such as loneliness and depression.”
To help reduce or prevent feelings of loneliness, stress or anxiety, Dr. Westers suggests teaching children three key elements of digital health:
Digital hygiene
Teenagers who spend additional hours of online time beyond one or two hours a day are increasingly likely to report that they feel depressed, lonely or anxious. It’s one of many reasons why establishing boundaries and limits with technology can do wonders in ensuring children cultivate a positive relationship with technology.
“It’s important for parents to be a role model, and that can be very difficult,” says Dr. Westers. “If the rule is no phones at dinnertime, then mom and dad also needs to put away their phones, or else teens are not going to respect it,”
Dr. Westers advises parents to partner with their teens in establishing rules together. “Parents have the last word, but when parents and teens sit down together to create rules, expectations and consequences, then teens are more likely to follow and understand those rules,” he says.
Parents should talk to teens about the following rules, says Dr. Westers.
- Establish “no phone” times. For many families, that means dinnertime and before and during bedtime.
- Go low-tech: Find balance with non-tech lifestyle. This should exclude time working on schoolwork, but it should include time on the phone, video games or watching television.
- Try a tech-free day. Choose one day during the week that best suits your family, and attempt to put the phones away for a full 24 hours. This helps everyone break out of the tech habit, and can inspire new forms of creativity and connection.
- Keep technology out of the bedroom. Studies have also shown that technology can interfere with sleep. Ban TVs, phones, tablets and laptops from bedrooms to encourage better sleep, which in turn may reduce feelings of sadness and anxiety.
Digital etiquette
“Parents will teach their kids, ‘This is how you be polite — you say please and thank you.’ You have that same kind of commonsense manners when you’re speaking with someone that you’re looking at,” Dr. Westers says. “The same needs to apply to online behavior.”
Digital etiquette can help children avoid and identify cyber bullying, and what to do if they see it happening among their friends. For example, sarcasm might be used online with varying intentions but can defeat its purpose in some cases and considered as cyberbullying. Sarcasm is generally not well received, however, because it does not contain the extras that we use to convey meaning: tone, volume and facial expression; elements of communication that teens and young adults tend to ignore when talking to others online or in text. Teaching your child to use sarcasm sparingly or not at all is an example of good digital etiquette.
Also, not every message, comment or text needs a response — at least not right away and certainly not when angry. It’s a skill to learn and practice not to respond right away, and parents can support their child developing this skill over time.
Learning good digital etiquette can teach your child to maintain healthy relationships in person and online, which can reduce the risk of feeling rejected and lonely.
Digital safety
“Another piece of digital health is discussing how to stay safe online,” Dr. Westers advises. “Keep in mind, regardless of how grown up your child or teen appears to be, they are not free from making choices that may place them in risky or potentially dangerous situations.
Some of these include never meeting anyone in person after meeting them online, not sharing personal information, and identifying which sites children can use. Make plugin Tag See additional guides for online safety.
Build open communication to ensure emotional well being
If the ideals of digital health can be programmed into a parent, then one of the best things that parents can do to promote a good mental health is to keep the line of communication open. He encourages parents to make communication open with these tips:
Check in often
Connecting with children can be as easy as asking about their day around the family dinner table or setting up a special coffee date on the weekend. Spending time together can prompt parents to learn a bit more about what is happening with their teen or child, and it helps demonstrate to the child that they are available to talk when needed.
Validate feelings
If their children tell them that they feel isolated, they should react with supportive words such as “I’m sorry you feel that way. How can I help?” Resist the temptation to dismiss the feelings, saying things like “You have so many friends. You shouldn’t feel lonely.”
“Loneliness is an emotion – it’s one we all feel from time to time,” Dr. Westers reminds parents. “You can still feel lonely, even when you’re surrounded by people. If your child is sharing how he or she is feeling, help brainstorm a potential plan that may help him or her feel better, whether it’s doing an activity together, having a friend come over or having a family member visit.”
Start seeking help if you’re worried about your child
“Very few people actually come for help with mental health issues,” Dr. Westers says. “Roughly one in five children and adolescents this experience depression, but more than 50 percent go without treatment. The same is true for anxiety disorders — not everyone receives treatment or adheres to it. Treatment is important since it can lead to better outcomes both now and in later years.
Dr. Westers also cautions parents not to worry every time their children feel sad, depressed or lonely.
“Teenagers can be moody and it can be difficult for parents to know when a child’s feelings are typical of his or her age, and when there’s a reason to worry,” he says. “Parents know their kids the best and if they are concerned, they should call a professional.” A psychologist is able to see the bigger picture and help identify whether or not they might be dealing with if there is a bigger underlying problem or a child just experiencing a normal array of emotions.”
