How to foster a spirit of generosity in your child, A pro shares advice on instilling a sense of generosity and giving in kids year-round.
It doesn’t always come naturally to teach children to give to others. It takes intention and patience to raise not just grateful kids, but generous ones.
“You have to be intentional as parents about helping your little one learn to give to others because it’s actually a learned behavior,” says Sara Loftin, LPC-S, RPT-S, Clinical Therapist at Children’s Health℠.
Loftin shares advice for parents on cultivating a generous, grateful mindset in kids.
Reasons to teach children about generosity
The benefits of teaching your child value of generosity can have a positive effect on their emotional and social development. Some benefits include:
- Increased gratitude. A child who knows how to give and to do what will make others happy will tend to be more optimistic and happier with their everyday life.
- Building empathy. Giving promotes kindness and empathy, which helps children build social skills and self-esteem. Kids who are empathetic also are better able to succeed in school, work and life.
- Improved perspective-taking. Generosity gives kids a chance to practice seeing other perspectives. So practicing perspective-taking can also help kids develop strong friendships which can protect their overall mental health.
How to raise kids who are generous (and not just at gift-giving time)
Kindness can also be taught in ways that do not always require physical gifts. Emphasizing kindness with your children in day to day interactions will give them insight into the intrinsic value of giving to others. Some easy examples are :
- Encourage helping others. Model to your child, offering help to someone in need, whether it’s helping a sibling with homework or helping an elderly neighbor with chores.
- Model kindness. Model kindness with your own actions like holding doors for others or greeting strangers with a friendly smile.
- Talk about sharing. Use mealtime or playtime (Toddlers and preschoolers — The ABCs of positive parenting (msue.anr.msu.edu) to teach children about sharing with worth others and how it feels good to let people participate in what they are doing.
- Volunteer together. Participate in service projects together to give back to your community, such as cleaning up litter in a local park or volunteering at a food bank.
“At the end of the day, being generous, kind and grateful for what you have and understanding the importance of being able to give to others is connected to this ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes – and recognizing that could be you,” says Loftin.
Bring meaning to your gift-giving
Holidays and birthdays usually get a lot of attention for receiving gifts, but it doesn’t have to be only about that. Loftin recommends the following strategies:
- Go on about the deeper meaning. Discuss why do we celebration holidays by giving gifts to each other, sharing with one another brings happiness and wealth.
- Emphasize the act of giving, not receiving. Create a family list of gifts you would like to give others. Ask your child what constitutes a good gift and which good gifts they have received.
- Use your child’s skills to your advantage. Brainstorm ideas on how your child could create personal homemade gifts — writing a song or poem or drawing or painting a picture.
- Devote a day or evening to making gifts. Plan a household activity to make gifts for teachers, friends, relatives or neighbors. Bracelets, or ornaments, are perfect gifts — and if you ask your child, they will probably have other inventive gift suggestions.
- Start a new giving tradition. Loftin’s familydoes a “neighbor cookie day” and it’s one of her kids’ favorite holiday traditions. Every year, they make cookies and deliver them to neighbors.
- Take your child gift shopping. Bring children with you to help shop for gifts and have conversations about why something will be a good gift for that person. Remind children that a thoughtful gift should reflect the likes and preferences of the other person when possible, not their own.
- Give the gift of experiences. Teach your child that giving should not always entail physical gifts. Think about gifting experiences, like a family trip to an amusement park, concert, movie or mini golf.
Set limits on gift-giving
If you’ve established an expectation in years past that your kids will be getting lots and lots of presents, your children may be sad if you purposely shift that expectation.
“It’s OK for your kids to be uncomfortable — that’s part of us changing an expectation. If your child is feeling upset about it, try reminding them that this change isn’t a punishment due to something they did wrong, my any means, it’s simply part of wanting to focus more on giving and shared experiences this year,’” Loftin says.
One way that can help families set limits around presents at the holidays is to use categories:
- Something you want
- Something you need
- Something to wear
- Something to read
