How to help your child take charge of bullying and start building self-esteem
It can be hard to know the best way to help your child respond when your child is being bullied. However, you can still help your child grow in confidence and self-esteem by providing him or her with the tools for effectively dealing with such situations.
Bullying should never cause a child to come away thinking they are to blame. But instead they should be told they have the ability to take charge. “The very first step is to provide emotional support, allowing your child to feel heard and supported,” says Elizabeth Victor, Ph. D., Clinical psychologist, Center for Obesity and its Consequences in Health (COACH) program, Children’s Health℠. “Then, you want to formulate a game plan with your child so that he or she knows you’re taking proactive steps to appropriately stop the bullying.”
Here are some tips on what to do if you suspect or know that your child is being bullied:
Talk with your child
- Talk regularly with your child about what they did in school, how their friends are and what homework they have — in a positive and non-judgmental way. This gives you a sense of what their day to day life looks like and might signal to you if anything needs to change.
- If your child is ready to talk about a bullying incident, be sure to note who, what and where.
- If your child doesn’t want to talk about a bullying experience, remind him or her why you are concerned and believe there’s a problem. Continue asking questions. That being said, try not to be judgmental and over-protective. When all they want is to feel heard and reassured, sometimes children are afraid their parents will rush to the school/location or escalate the situation.
- Reinforce the message that bullying is not their fault, that they are not the label given to them by the person(s) who is responsible for the bullying and they can do something about it.
Establishing how your child wants to deal with it
Work together! Do not immediately go to the person in charge at the school/location where your child is being bullied without discussion, ask how your child would like to address it and discuss the options. To help with this, for example you can encourage your child to:
- Keep your head up and attempt to make eye contact with your unkind peer.
- If you hear verbal or written bullying, respond by saying “that’s rude,” “no” or “that’s not true.”
- Whatever you do, do it alone or in a group.
- Make social media accounts “private” and block the bully.
- Notify an adult in charge.
A child may choose to do nothing sometimes. You can decide when to intervene, but don’t do it without your child knowing. Always include him or her in every step you choose to take.
It’s never easy being on the receiving end of bullying but using teamwork, parents can help a child build a strong sense of self-worth and prevent bullying.
