Obesity is not a frivolous problem, though it is an increasingly common one. Being overweight can increase risks for diabetes, heart disease and even cancer. Unfortunately, these health risks are becoming realities for children at a much earlier age, as childhood obesity rates continue to surge.
“Obesity one of the biggest health issues that Americans are facing — it’s particularly children,” Elizabeth Victor, Ph. D., a psychologist and clinical psychologist with the Center for Obesity and its Consequences in Health (COACH) program at Children’s Health℠. “Well, all parents hope their kids will be more well, but weight is so stigmatized — it’s not something easy for parents to talk about.”
Be kind to your child — and to yourself
Parents can be uncomfortable and guilty about their child’s weight, Dr. Victor says. This leads to conversations influence negatively instead of positively.
“Parents are usually intimidated talking to their children about their weight. Maybe some parents have used to struggle, or struggle currently, with their weight,” explains Dr. Victor. “It helps to shine a light on your own challenges, and to talk openly about what the parent wants to change.”
It’s also crucial to speak positively about your body. Conversely, if children hear messages like, “You know our family has always been overweight,” they may come to believe that they are powerless to change their health. If a parent has a weight problem, be honest about that and say you plan to improve, too.
Learn to identify and acknowledge your child’s feelings
Use open-ended questions and reflective statements to find out how your children are feeling. A child might say, for example, “Other kids say I’m fat. Do you think I’m fat?”
Rather than responding “yes” or “no,” provide your child an opportunity to share his or her thoughts. Try this: “I hear you are feeling very worried about how other kids think of you, but how do you see yourself?
When children do share, thank them and validate their feelings. Use statements like:
- “I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I am glad you are telling me about it.”
- “I hear that is hard for you. I want to work with you to make it better.”
- “Your weight doesn’t determine your value as a person.”
- “Thank you for sharing these feelings with me.”
Highlight the awesome skills and qualities they have. Do you have a funny, hardworking or kind child? Tell them how you feel. It will make them feel good about themselves.
Focus on health, not appearance
Dr. Victor says the key is to always relate weight to health, not appearance. All bodies are different and even a healthy-weight child may not fit into the societal concept of “skinny.”
Remind them that losing weight is about quality of life, not appearance, in statements like:
- “It can be helpful for you to lose weight so you feel good.”
- “Too much weight can put you at risk for diabetes.”
- “Losing weight can make us feel more comfortable.”
Avoid the word “fat”
Calling your child fat or by other names is a type of bullying. These negative interactions do not help and can exacerbate weight issues.
Nurture your child’s self-esteem, says Dr. Victor, by staying positive and focusing on what a child does well, work in statements like:
- “I noticed you ate all your vegetables. That was great!”
- “Thanks for inviting me to go on a walk. What a healthy choice!”
- “You’re drinking water. Good idea!”
Make it a family effort
Family support is indispensable for success and Dr. Victor even brings in parents for all her sessions. “Weight is a family problem,” Dr. Victor says. “Research proves that when a family does this as a family, that the child successfully loses and keeps the weight off.”
By engaging in healthy activities, you help your child feel less isolated and more supported, states Vanessa Simpson, LMSW, clinical social worker with the COACH program.
“If children feel like they have this supportive aspect from their family, it can help them in those moments when they feel like they want to quit,” admits Simpson.
Things like, Simpson encourages you to say:
- “We need to make healthy choices together.”
- “Let’s go on a walk together.”
- “Let’s eat more vegetables this week.”
Put small changes first
“If a family or patient feels overwhelmed because of changing healthy lifestyle, they might feel like they do not have the ability to make it happen … so they probably don’t even start trying to be healthier,” Simpson says. “Only focus on a few changes at a time so it doesn’t get overwhelming.”
Dr. Victor concedes that all of these changes at once is unrealistic. Instead, parents and their children should take small steps, such as:
- Never having soda in the house.
- Walking for 20 minutes as a family after dinner.
- Eating a vegetable with dinner every night.
Seek support
If your child is distressed emotionally about food or weight, seek professional help. The assistance of a team, which may include a clinical psychologist or social worker, can help your child develop the coping skills he or she will need to make healthy choices.
