How to prevent cyberbullying, what parents need to know about protecting kids from online bullying
As children and teens spend more and more time online, it has become easier than ever for them to endure cyberbullying — and the consequences can be severe. The mental cost of absorbing unkind comments, mean memes or untrue rumors can wear on victims of cyberbullying, leaving them depressed and alone.
“Cyberbullying is not something that kids just get over in one night,” said Alice Ann Holland, Ph. D., ABPP, Research Director of the Neuropsychology Service at Children’s Health℠ and Associate Professor at UT Southwestern. “Children and teens can become so enmeshed in their social worlds, that for them it can be difficult to pull out and ask for help.”
Dr. Holland describes how parents can recognize the signs of cyberbullying, as well as what families can do to help prevent it.
What is cyberbullying?
Cyberbullying is bullying that occurs on computers, cell phones or other digital devices. It usually consists of repeated, nasty comments or posts by the person whose intent is to do harm.
Because texting and social media bases are so familiar, it is not at all difficult for a bully to click a button and harass or demean someone. Examples of cyberbullying are online posts that threaten harm or suggest the victim hurt themselves, and more subtle examples such as posting comments that ridicule the victim’s appearance, interests or social standing.
How common is cyberbullying?
Research suggests that 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys will be bullied in their lifetime, with 1 in 4 teenagers being bullied online or via electronic devices. A 2019 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that 15.7% of high school students were electronically bullied in the past 12 months alone.
What does cyberbullying look like?
Parents must watch for any sudden or outrageous changes in their child’s behavior as these are signs of online bullying. “Pay special attention to changes in kids’ social lives, like withdrawing from a previous friend group, as well as changes in their academic performance,” Dr. Holland says.
Symptoms that your child already being a victim of cyberbullying are:
- Sudden changes in daily patterns of sleep, exercise, and/or eating
- Attention to self-care and hygiene decreases
- Screens swiftly shut as a parent walks into the room
- Sudden trouble with schoolwork
- Inappropriate outbursts of anger, anxiety or sadness
- So, you know that the signs of depression, whether in you or a loved one, are: Withdrawal from friends and family
- Changes in friend group
How can you stop cyberbullying?
In order to prevent cyberbullying, parents should engage in ongoing, open discussions with their children about how to appropriately use technology. Speak about the ever-lasting effect of posting comments, and never posting something that could hurt or humiliate others. Ensure kids know that people can share their social posts with a big audience on digital platforms — sometimes in ways they never intended. Look, even private text messages can easily get screenshot and posted online.
Dr. Holland points out that adolescents may be especially susceptible to impulsivity, since the parts of the brain that manage inhibition and emotional regulation are some of the last to mature. This means that tweens and teens might be more likely to post harmful messaging online, even if it is something they would never say in person.
Remind your child to practice common rules of digital etiquette, like:
- And if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face or in front of a huge audience, don’t say it online.
- Never share bad or private stuff about another person
- No one you chat with online should be someone you don’t know in person
- Avoid sharing your personal data online, nor share passwords with other users
Above all, establish a “digital safe harbor” policy and encourage your kids to come to you if they ever experience cyberbullying, whether as a victim or a bystander. A digital safe harbor policy means you, as the parent, agree that you will not punish your child for breaking any household internet rules that they may have broken, in the event that they are informing you of instances of cyberbullying or any other unsafe content that they may see online. This will make sure your child is comfortable telling you about cyberbullying no matter what — even if it means they are using social media platforms without permission.
“It’s super important for preteens and teens to feel honest and open when they’re being cyberbullied,” Dr. Holland explains. “I think as parents it’s an implicit deal-making, that if our kids are admitting to cyberbullying that they’re having, it won’t come back to bite them.”
What to do if you suspect your child is being cyberbullied
If you suspect your son or daughter is being cyberbullied, do no react impulsively. Have an open discussion with your child to understand how serious and widespread the bullying is. This will not only help your child assess the situation properly.
If the cyberbullying is relatively low-level, help your child to brainstorm preemptive ways of putting distance between themselves and the source of the bullying or of ignoring them completely.
“If you’re facing less severe examples of cyberbullying, such as kids calling each other names online, empower your child to make good choices about their friend groups,” says Dr. Holland. “In these types of cases, it’s important to help the kids realize that these may not be the people they really want to be hanging out with.”
If the cyberbullying is more habitual or severe, or if it involves threats of violence or harm, you may want to report what’s happening to appropriate school or local authorities. Outside support, whether from a teacher, guidance counselor or therapist, can also be beneficial, helping your child cope with the emotional fallout from the experience.
